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Assignment 1: Formal Letter (Descriptive Reflection)

 

Subject: About myself

Dear Mr Professor Blackstone,

My name is Sarmila, and I am writing this email to introduce myself as being one of your students in effective communication class. I studied architecture in Nanyang polytechnic and did six months of internship at SAA Architects. Eagerness to learn more about the building sector made me choose Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) Programme in SIT.


While choosing this programme, I set two goals in my mind to achieve within graduation. Merging my designing skills with engineering would help to advance my career and potential earnings. Thus, developing my technical knowledge would be my first goal. Given that networking is critical in the working world, my second goal is to refine my communication and writing skills to create a big network with the professionals in this field. That might give me chances of securing a job by connecting with people who would help me to make well-informed decisions about my career. 


My weakness would be the fear of presenting or expressing my opinions to a large group of people. It was challenging during the first few weeks of client meetings in the internship because I was shy and anxious. I hope I overcome it better through this class.


Alternatively, my strength would be working well in teams as I have a cheerful and outgoing personality. I like to take responsibility and work cooperatively with everyone towards common goals. I have showcased in many polytechnic projects that I am good at leading a team, and I have no fear of raising my opinions and supporting other's thoughts. Moreover, during internships, I led a team and was the project board manager in the interior-design compartment. This allowed me to work with people from different sectors, such as designers, engineers, and IT technicians.


 In short, being in this effective communication class will not only strengthen my writing and soft skills but would help to build confidence in me. The skills that I am taught here would be beneficial for my studies and career. I am looking forward to having a wonderful time in your class.

Best regards,

Sarmila Devi



(Revised)

Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 17, 2020 at 1:27 AM

    Thanks, Sarmila, for this 'lively' letter. I look forward to seeing the comments from your peer readers, and then I'll chime in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Izzati ZulkifliSeptember 17, 2020 at 6:50 AM

      Hi Sarmila,
      Both your content and organisation are generally good. But maybe you could also include include a point that explains what differentiate you from others.
      I also think that some choices of words used can be changed to make the sentence better.
      > I studied architecture in Nanyang Polytechnic
      > Merging my designing skills with engineering
      Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Sarmila ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)September 17, 2020 at 8:47 AM

      Thank you professor and Thank you Izzati for commenting on the impovements I could make.

      Delete
  2. Angelo ChanSeptember 17, 2020 at 9:04 AM

    Dear Sharm,

    I enjoyed reading the contents of your letter, particularly enjoying the bit about networking.

    The organisation of your letter is good as well, with information being presented clearly and of ease to any would-be reader.

    Maybe I’m being particular, but I would consider “Eagerness to keep learning,“ with just “Eagerness to learn.”

    Then again, it could just be a matter of personal preference, let’s see what Prof Brad says 😅

    I enjoyed reading your letter and look forward to getting to know you more as a classmate! :)

    Sincerely,
    Angelo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarmila ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)October 5, 2020 at 6:10 PM

      Thank you for your comment Angelo, I will take your comment into consideration and make the changes :). Looking forward to getting to know you more too!
      ~sharm

      Delete
  3. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 27, 2020 at 2:21 AM

    Dear Sharmila,

    Thanks much for this clear, detailed letter. As your classmates have said, because you develop your ideas fairly well, this is an enjoyable read. I especially like learning about your work experience and the value you have for networking.

    In terms of language use, this is a good effort, but there are a few areas to take note of:

    1. Caps (see this website: https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization )

    2. punctuation
    -- In short, being in this effective communication class will not only strengthen my writing and soft skills but, would help to build confidence in me. > In short, being in this effective communication class will not only strengthen my writing and soft skills, but would help to build confidence in me.
    -- I am good with leading a team and, I have no fear of raising my opinions and supporting other's thoughts. > ?

    I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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